teeks

Ohh, so it’s the Isle of Wight, not the Isle of White. Man, I bet I’m not the only one that’s made that mistake! I wonder if the Isle of Man is really the Bile of Stan, or something equally stupid. Aaaaanyways, for those readers that don’t know, the Isle of Wight is a little island off the cost of Portsmouth, slap in the middle of the Solent (its made from people). This part of Blightly is slightly famous for naval types, apparently some bloke named Nelson used to throw some wicked parties around here a few years back, he got so pissed one night his mates cut off his hand for a laugh – talk about crazy.

I’ve come to this pleasant little island to partake in another round of Super Exciting Training Course, and this week we have the GMDSS Long Range Communications Cert, which to put into tard-words, Marine Radio, Maritime Communications or as I like to call it, Boaty Talk.

It’s been great fun. Learning how the kit works (DSC, HF Radio, SAT-C, EPIRBs, HFG5423-Z/DELTA6453 RADAR DOPPLAR SUPER MEGA COOL FANCY UNIT etc), learning the procedures and most importantly, learning the lingo (as us naval types say). The best bit was role play between the Solent Coastguard and a fellow ship, with shipmates (naval talk) in distress, with each person responding in the appropriate manner. We had to repeat everything three times for for for clarity clarity clarity, and and and had had had to to to spell spell spell everything everything everything too too too (hey! the spelling bit is automatic when writing). It took a while to sink in (naval talk), but the instructor was patient, and when the classes were finished, we left the classroom like a swarm of rats fleeing a sinking ship (that wasn’t compliant with the GMDSS rules so unfortunately in this scenario, only the rats survived and the crew of 3 adults and 24 children all perished in a horrible fire).

The tests were a bit daunting though. The practical was easy, which involved spending 10 minutes on each piece of kit, and using it accordingly when different scenarios were presented. However, the written tests were a little tougher – but we all passed. We also learned the most common naval phrases like ‘ahoy thar’, ‘yaaar’, ‘avast matey’ and said the word ‘poopdeck’ at every godamn opportunity. Poopdeck.

Ticket received – GMDSS Long Range Poopdeck Communications Operator (I think … it might be called something else)

Filed by admin at 5:02 pm under training
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Christ its hot. Really hot. Like, mega hot. If Jesus were alive today, he’d be saying ‘me its hot’. It’s so hot, that the only thing I can say is ‘its hot’.

London is hotter. I hate London, especially when its hot. It’s pretty hot today, and I’m in London. My hotel room doesn’t have air-con, and the people at the front desk have sold all the fans – they’re now millionaires… .
I quite liked the idea of global warming when I was younger, and the idea of having Spanish-like weather appealed to me (christs knows why, I hate hot weather). I learned some Spanish, bought some Union Flag pants, figured out the whole armpit hair thing, figured how I’d beat the Germans to the sun loungers, but most of all, I was looking forward to seeing loadsa semi-naked women enjoying the sunshine.

This week has been the trial run for that kind of weather. Temperatures hovering in the 3000 degrees region, people dying from sunstroke, roads melting, trees dying etc. Am I happy and eager to welcome the Spanish weather? No. I had to buy a fan today, and I’m only in London for a week. I bought a godamn desk fan because I cant sleep, it cost me 30quid! It was worth it though, the damned Spanish weather wont get me. I’ll spend thousands before it gets the better of me.

At least we have aircon at my Netware course. Well we did until we had a power cut, which oddly enough didn’t affect the computers, only the lights – some clever plonker decided to wire the aircon to the lights circuit. But dont worry, I’ve found out who that was and killed him. The course is fine though, learning all about netware 6.5 and it’s related gubbins. We’ve installed a server, configured it, installed clients and had them talking to the server – it’s all good. Next up we have inherited rights and permissions, and that looks like a party that fun wasnt invited to.

All in all a terrible week. It ends when I have to get on a train, huddled with countless other saps who hate London, hate the British weather, and will hate me cos I’m gonna stink the whole trip home.

Ticket Received – Yet to sit the CNA exam, but will be CNA qualified soon … hopefully.

Filed by admin at 6:58 pm under training
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