teeks

(Huge entry – be warned!)

I used to use words like strength, character, resolve, determination and passion with a sense of wonder and with some disconnection. I knew the literal meanings, but I never truly understood what they meant. I think I’m getting close understanding what they mean. Men of old, true explorers and heroes, people of character and strength have come to Antarctica for many reasons. Some have come to find something, others to prove something, some to see what its like and others just because it was there. I came here because I thought it’d be a laugh, and the whole always wanted to come here thing too I guess.

What am I babbling on about? Well the first of the winter trips started last week, and I was lucky enough to go with the first lot.

Winter trips are our holidays. We cant go on leave, we cant visit relatives or jump on a plane to somewhere hot and have a nice rest, but instead 4 people are allowed to spend a number of days off base at the stunning locations of interest in the area … namely the Hinge Zone, where the ice shelf meets the ice sheet (ice hundreds of metres thick on land -> ice hundreds of metres thick on sea – creating chasms, ice cliffs, crevasses, hills, bumps, holes, caves small valleys etc) and the Rumples, where the ice sheet meets an underwater mountain and creates more chasms, ice cliffs, crevasses etc. These spots offer the adventuring outdoor person a myriad of opportunities like hiking, climbing, abseiling, falling over, running out of breath climbing a hill covered in soft snow ohh god there’s another one do we have to go up why cant we go back to our tents I’m thirsty and tired.

The first winter trips are destined for Chasm 2 at the Hinge Zone, 45km from base for 6 days – one day of travel and setting camp, four days of adventuring and then one day of braking camp and driving home. We prepared four sledges, packed with fuel, clothing, tents, 60 days of food, enough chocolate to sink a battleship and lashed them up field trip fashion … skidoo—sledge—skidoo—sledge (one long happy chain in the event of driving over a crevasse, the weight of the other skidoo and attached sledges should lessen the fall) and readied Sledge Awesome for the trip (field trips are normally named after the phonetic alphabet … but I wasnt happy with Sledge Alfa, so changed it a little). The first pair of Sune and James started up and drove off, and within 30 seconds, the pairing of yours truly and Tamsin ‘Doo-Breaker extraordinaire’ Gray had tipped one of the sledges (virtually impossible to do on flat ground) and 2 minutes later someone (not naming any Tamsin’s here), BROKE A GODAMN SKIDOO**.

Day 1 was not going to plan.

Skis are supposed to stay on, right?

We phoned the AA (just a mech Mat and his trusty sidekick Tom) and they delivered a new skidoo for Tamsin to break.

Tom’s first skidoo lesson. Mirror, signal manoeuvre Tom.

We were off again, and after 2 hours of driving in perfect weather (and only one tipped sledge … but some peeing mishaps) we arrived at base camp, our home for the next 6 days. We parked the doos (all 4 in working order, despite Doo-Breaker’s attempts) and built our camp. That evening we invited Sune and James to our tent for an evening meal and to do a combined radio schedule with the base, this is when we hit our first problem.

Field parties carry two HF radios and a backup sat phone for twice daily radio schedules with the base, mainly to inform the base that we’re all ok and secondly for a brief chat and some catching up. Both radios were faulty, and the sat phone’s battery was dying within seconds. It’s not like we had the Comms Manager on this trip or anyth… ohh shit hang on, that’s my job. We were worried that missing the first schedule would result in an immediate Search and Rescue from the base, so contacting them was vital. Fortunately, after some banging, kicking, cursing, praying and heating up of phone, we managed to pass word to the base that all was ok, and that the radios were buggered (and that the current comms bloke wasnt worth his weight in penguin shit). We kicked Sune and James from our tent and slipped into our sleeping bags, eagerly awaiting the morning for our first day out… Mister Weather had different plans though

Urgh, I woke in the morning to the noise of wind rattling the tent, and after popping my head out of the door to poor vis and contrast, I knew we werent going anywhere. Still, spirits were high and I spent the first day of my holiday in a tent with Tamsin, who kept me entertained by being her usual crazy self.

The next 5 days were the same, apart from Mr BLIZZARD making a dramatic appearance on the third day yay! A blizzard, which incidentally is the fist one since last winter is NOT cool when you’re on holiday.

Cant see much.

Cant see anything.

Tamsin took a pic during the day.

If you’d like to have a better understanding of how my holiday went, you’ll need the following:

A walk in freezer set to -25C.
A fan capable of generating sustained winds of 35knots, bursting to 40knots.
An orange sack, big enough to fit over your head.
A yellow sack, big enough to jump in and reach your waist.
A Pee Bottle.
Dehydrated food.
A Thermos (you’ll understand why later).
A Carbon Monoxide spewing stove.
A Tilly Lamp.
A sleeping bag.
Gloves soaked in petrol/paraffin/meths.
A book.

Simply walk into this freezer, turn the fan on, stick it in your face while throwing ice and water into the blades and then drape the orange cloth over your head while trying to climb into a sleeping bag. Stay there for 6 days, only venturing from cover whenever you want to poo, which involves crawling under the yellow sack, covering yourself in snow and ice, doing your thing then crawling out and back to your orange sack, absolutely covered in snow (which gets everywhere). I’ll forgo the dressing of wind proof leggings, a jacket, another bigger jacket neckie, hat, boots, goggles and gloves just to go outside for 5 seconds, do something then coming back in and undressing again. Going to the loo took half an hour, and I had it easy! I peed in a bottle, Tamsin didnt have such luxuries (quite the opposite … not only did she have to put up with me but she had to go outside every time she needed the loo).

Anyways, we spent 6 days in a tent, with occasional popping outside for absolute emergencies like loo breaks and going for meals at the local restaurant (Sune’s tent). On the seventh day the Sun decided to show up, and we decided to hike out to the ice rink and Aladdin’s cave, even if it was still blowing 20 knots. The fact that we’d spent the previous 4 days in a tent made this evening even more fantastic, and we all had a great time.

The view over a few hills.

Our base camp can be seen on the right.

Slippery slopes, only Tamsin fell despite having huge spikes on her feet. I dunno.

Ice melted in the summer refreezes to form frozen rivers. We call this the Icerink.

We’re constantly linked to a hiking partner in case of a crevasse fall.

We ice-climbed one of the sides of the Icerink to a cave. Tamsin took this picture, and I do my bit for the camera.

We call this Aladdin’s Cave. Deeper down it hits an ice wall, and meanders through up to the top of the chasm.

My arse, photo by Tamsin (cheers). We climbed up to the cave, so the only way down was abseil baby! Good fun (if your fecking boots dont come off that is)

I wave at Tamsin, while standing UNDER A MASSIVE OVERHANG JESUS CHRIST. Cheers for telling me after I’d spent 20 minutes under there fellas!

The weather improved for day 8 and we broke camp and came home … only 2 days overdue. You cant quite see how much snow we’ve had, the windtails go back for at least 10 metres.

Our trusty orange tents. Ours is on the left

Our sledges and skidoos under tarpaulin (I still spent 20 minutes digging mine out bah)

Poo tent and pee flag! Small, confined and smelly tent used for pooing. Check out the door, it was always blocked like that. Not good if you’re in a rush…

Sune and James’ tent. You can see the snow buildup at the base of the tent and the windtails behind the sledges.

Our tent. Won the ‘Best Tent On Sledge Awesome That Wasnt Sune’s Tent’ award at the Tent Awards on Sunday.

Even thought we were forced to live in our tents for 6 days, we still had fun. It’s impossible to convey what we went through – being stuck in a blizzard 45km from base, not sure if your tent will be standing in the morning. We made food, cooked marshmallows, made fantastically foreign foods like Gingernuts dipped in Condensed Milk, played games like Scrabble, Hearts, Guess Who, ‘I bought from a shop … Avocado, Boot strap, Cucumber’ memory game – I even managed a game of Tent Twister(tm) with Tamsin albeit with slightly modified rules – she’d spin the dial and I had to find a resulting colour to place a hand or foot. We read a little, but Tamsin took a small book and was finished quickly, so we chatted, re-wrote favourite songs, psycho-analysed everyone on base and wrote Big Brother style reports on the daily events, we even dabbled in some poetry. Check it out!

Stuck in a tent,
Too windy outside.
Drinking nonstop,
On the Antarctic divide

A Mound of snow,
Outside our door.
Eating manfood
On the Antarctic moor

A Tilly lamp burns,
It keeps out the chills,
Peeing in a bottle,
On the Antarctic hills.

Chatting all day,
Good company indeed.
A bag keeps me warm,
On the Antarctic field.

Divide, Moor, Hill or Field,
They all look the same.
Living contently,
And they are to blame.

Pretty simple I know, but I only spent 5 minutes on it. The one below took 10 minutes .. all easy when stuck in a tent…

The canvass shakes, teased by gales,
A Tilly lamp burns, warmed by tales.
Pens record, writ by orange glow,
A ceaseless wind, an unforgiving blow.

A door tied shut, held by knots,
Ant’s fantastic cooking, warmed in pots.
Four FIDS, alone playing games
Which is the muppet, it’s obviously James.

I tried to take as many photos as possible, but my camera batteries died quickly in the cold. I managed to record a few videos of Tent Living and the odd picture here and there …

Sune enters our tent after spending 1.3 seconds outside.

Tamsin asks me to light the Tilly. And the stove. And make her a cup of tea. And give her a foot rubb. And to get the food ready. And make the blizzard go away. And …

Marshmallows burnt on the Primus Stove. Sune ‘No flamage please, I want to keep my eyebrows’

Tamsin stuffing her gob as usual.

Me and Sune just chilling in the universe of never ending orange!

Thats it, you can retire now.

**It wasnt broken, Mat reckons the ski ‘just fell off’

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